life in the army is just as usual, just that it gets busier and busier, and of course more mentally torturing with long weeks in camp. Ya... this is the full, actually not say very full weekend that i have in 2 weeks. Spending life in camp is giving me the feeling that i am going bonkers sometimes, with activities onslaught and being packed with out of camp training, plus threats that i will be confined half a day if i "failed" some thingy.. not very 方便 to mention right here on this space.. While i understand that this is to strive us to perfection, however i do feel some psychological distress in them implementing all these.. Sometimes make me wonder y i work so hard when this "failure" sometimes have to depend on my own luck, which thus may not be a very good guage.. plus it sure feels good to be home early for the chinese new year, spend time with family which i find that i have been neglecting after all these stupid weeks..

enough about all these crap.. in the army, you too learn about some good things too, one of them is 海派甜心 which i am just beginning to watch and enjoy, produced by taiwanese GTV and just finished its run on youtube, it has the ability to make me forget all the above troubles and regain my laughter which has been lost ever since these few horrrible weeks , not to mention the best song in 2010 so far.. 雨爱 by rainie yang, which has cheered me up and hopefully will continue to do so until the new year hols start... till then..


Please answer my prayers...



The long overdue post of the outing at ECP.. Great as i have not been at ECP much for a long time..



Please answer my prayers...



A lot of you will find this post rather wierd, as an army personnel, what results will i be talking about, and why the sudden mention of that word when i am not taking any courses, tests or exams over the past months..

Actually this post was inspired by the fact that my sister will be one of the thousands of O level candidates taking her results from her school on Mon. And me as her brother will naturally not be able to sleep tmr nite as i think about her possible scores and wish that she can go into a good enough JC of her choice and not one that she will have to enter out of no choice due to grades. However, before the results are out, i bet i do not have any power to predict or say much about it, but it sure makes me recall the horrible moments before and after the A levels and the fact that i was very disturbed becoz of an E grade on my score.. I admit that surprises are inevitable and i wish that my sis will get the best of surprises, not the worst that i experienced..

That was also one of the main issue that i did not mention in the first entry of the year, as i did my 2009 recap.. I blamed myself for not recording down life's greatest lessons of the year, as the process of picking up from the lowest point of my life to where i am today (not that i my living the high life) hasnt exactly been the worst, but will consider as one of the most harrowing experience, as labels of FAILURE becomes a part of my imagination. Sometimes, when your dignity takes a battering, its not what others really percieve you as that really matters, but you see yourself as that could be the most scary of all. Which was what really happened to me last year..

After the results-- the lowest point
Nobody actually blamed me for the grades that i get, in fact my parents will commend me for at least passing my exams for once( as i never totally pass everything back then in JC), what people say were encouraging words like they have seen me put in my best efforts and that they all recognised my hard work. However, that was not how i see myself. i was too caught up with my lost dignity and self pity, the fact that i knew that i will be labelled a failure but i did not realise that only i myself was doing that, not anybody else. As a typical guy where face is all that matters, i was afraid to face the people who had coached me in GP, where i had scored that E grade, be it my tutors in JC ( which was why i did not seek advice on the day results were released as i was too ashamed to see all of them), my friends who did better than me, as i percieved myself as a second grade citizen as compared to them, to my aunt who coached me tirelessly in GP, i was even more ashamed to face her as i felt i had totally let her down. Life became hell for me.. i will never forget that few days when i just wallowed in self pity, keeping to myself and crying in my room and trying to act strong before others when actually meeting people was a mental torture. Courage was the thing that i needed most yet something that i could not find.

Opportunities
Despite myself trying to find for a uni course now that i could not get into what i wanted-- mass comms and journalism, all that i can see was opportunities in engineering and some faculties in arts and social sciences subject. This was also the point where i thought that all was not lost yet as it was not a total dead end. In fact, i found something that i had never thought before in planning my life after JC-- take a general degree, or do something that you are strong in to boost morale and just go on before thinking of specialising in what you like to do.. all the time, i was just set on doing journalism, journalism and more journalism.. however, i did not consider that i can do more than just that, or that i may get tired of my ambition as it is after all still quite early to make such a decision and i may still change my mind. Thus, i made my decision for a few choices in my application to the Uni. I also did not want to go thru the hassle and mental trauma of taking the A levels one more time.

Acceptance
This was also the point that i thought-- Hey, its about time i put down my sorrows and stop living in self denial as it was time that i accepted this as MY grade. If there is some where that i can still make it to in the local U, then it isnt as bad as i thought. the last straw of venting my frustrations and stresses was writing the results release entry in this same blog in Mar 09. the moment I clicked 'post', and the details of my score go public, i knew i was willing to accept and allow others to view my score. I knew that although i did not do as well, i should be proud of what my hard work yielded, at least I did not let myself or anyone down and my conscience is clear where the set of score is involved

Acceptance from the local Uni-- NTU
2 interviews soon came along, one for econs and another for sociology, which also came with a language test in english. I was really overjoyed as i really did not expect the departments to actually take notice of me and my score. Learning from the past experience, i knew that only when i looked down on myself will the whole world look down on me, which is why i went down to NTU twice to take the interviews, braving long waiting times and interviews... all which eventually ending up with me gaining a place in sociology..

Conclusion
At the end of the day, it is really a lot to learn.. Summarising this in a paragraph will definitely not be enough to teach anything from my experience as that was what i learnt as i lived life in 2009. however, what is most important is that even as the whole world gives up on you, never give up on yourself as very often self destruction is one of the worst that you can do to yourself. especially for those who did not experience any major failure, such experience with a major exam will surely shake you like the way it did on me. results or the paper that you get when you return to school is at the end just a paper. Nobody will look back at that piece of paper 10 years down the road as as your employee, working ability and the final degree precedes all the major exams that you can take in your school days. Thus, that piece of paper will just another useless paper showing tat you attended that institution...

To all those getting their O level & A levels results this year, good luck!



Please answer my prayers...



In short, at the 2010, this biz outing is for us to kaypoh abt Geraldine's new boyfriend, Jansen... of course, to fly kite and just enjoy the weekend!



Please answer my prayers...



The year 2009 can be defined in short as , from Yishun..



Please answer my prayers...



Guess you all have looked at my new blogskin... Obviously.. or else how else would you be looking at this post of mine...

This blogskin was chosen when i decided i have enough of the old blogger one, so sian la.. always looking at the same, not that its extremely nice or what.. So i decided to go blogskin shopping (with $0 cash and no credit cards of course!!) i found a few but the format was so so, and being a horrible tech idiot, i knew that i needed one with a clear cut html which will tell me where to put by cbox(tagboard), which is why i chanced upon this. i found this miracles and felt that i need a lot of it this year and in the years to come. Miracles to gain courage to things that i may not try out before in the army, miracles to get the determination to continue my news log, and to be available to cover any news, good or bad live should it break and definitely miracles to create opportunities to spend time with you, my friends and family (as you all shud know by now, every weekend is a privilege, not a given that can be taken away by the SAF for anything they deem fit-- its not the same when they return you an off although its better than nothing.)

The original concept of this skin is rather pessimistic, where life seem so bad that you hope that a miracle will occur. however, if you read the above paragraph, you will realise that the miracle that im talking about will have to be that of HOPE. Which is why i wanted to change this idea, but ended up doing so for a few hrs, changing the html non stop but in the end losing everything that i have to restart from scratch. The one that you are seeing is the original with oni minor chhanges. pls gimme your blog link if its not listed there as i have lost many of the links ever since i changed to this scheme. Also, give me some your comments on my tagboard-- but you may end up having to help me do it before i mess up this page again.. haha!!


Please answer my prayers...



WOW!! a new year at last!! was my reaction as we counted down as a biz club at ec's place last nite thru this morning. Im sorry that my mind is really not thinking straight at this point as i have not slept through the night and like slept at most 3hrs just now before making this post.. i will wait for the next chance when i kope more fotos to do the countdown entry.

This place will be my feelings for the past 1 year and also the hopes and wishes for the coming year. ( i dun consider them resolutions as that means that i m not committed to fulfil them when 2010 comes to a close.--not like i ever fulfil my resolutions=p)

Why that relatively enthu and big reaction to the start of the new year a lot may ask, as i feel that this will be the year that life will return to normalcy (unless something really really really bad happens-- i dun wish to elaborate this on the first day of the year) which is also known as ORDDDDD!!!!!!!! i cant believe how im so much less than a year away from that, such that if i think about this time next year((1/1/11-- nice date rite??), i will b probably be enjoying m back to civilian life..

which brings me back to 2009, which was a totally army year and experience. although as usual that will not be my blogging point as there is really not much to blog abt. What i really gained from 2009 will actually be mostly my army overseas trip, which widen me up to a lot more stuff than others who are serving the same 2 years as me. to tell the truth, i have never done so much travelling in a year, esp when such trips are 21 days long at each stage, and especially the sightseeing and even just travelling on other's grounds just gave me a lot more scope and horizon about what ligfe is about in some other parts of the world. Especially for Taiwan, when i went at the most sensitive time and lowest point for the country that year, with the passing of typhoon morakot, with many of them mourning the death and losses arousing from the typhoon. what caught me was the resillience to get back to a life of normalcy, which i admire them as i guess it can be quite hard to go on with life normally after seeing a disaster strike the country.

2009 will also go down as the year that i lost touch with the news most, as the frequent oversaes trip and just being in the army really prevents me from doing what i like most, live reporting, getting latest updates and updating my news as and when i think it is the most appropriate time to do so, usually before the papers. which is why the news blog today is realy quite sad lah.

Thus 2010 will oni have 2 aims: finish army safe, sound and happpily, with NO injuries throughout the year; complete and update my blogs regularly.

Thanks all for a wonderful 2009 and let the new decade begin!!


Please answer my prayers...